Thursday, October 9, 2008

Kyler is 5 today!

God has spoken to me. Not audibly; but by His Spirit, by His Son, and His Word. His voice is as clear to me as the air I breathe when I walk outside on a cool Minnesota morning. I love His voice. I love the sweet trust I find in Him and the best thing is-I never did anything to deserve it. That is grace.
God also speaks in other ways. He speaks to me through my circumstances, through feelings, memories, children, work, and many other so-called ordinary things in life (to call anything in life "ordinary" is actually a misnomer-all of life is precious, every single moment). However, it is a different kind of speech. It is a speech that echoes a resounding victory of my faith. He is continually reminding me that I am His, I am elect, I belong to Him-not because of anything in me, I never did anything to deserve it. That is grace.
Life is almost never "easy." We are all sinners and left to ourselves we would never find the savior. He is good to us all; sinners and christians alike. In theological terms we would call this "common grace." To some of us, God chooses to show a deeper grace. He doesn't have to but He does. The theological term for this is "electing grace," or "saving grace."
In discussing my oldest son's fifth birthday, why would I say anything that I have just said? I don't believe in throwing words aimlessly around as though the more I say, the more righteous I will become. No, on the contrary, I believe God has given me something to say and if I was to remain silent, the rocks would cry out! I speak of God's grace and His voice because of what my oldest son means to me. He is a rare gift. He is my son.
Ten years ago, if you had known me, you would not have dreamed I would be who I am today. You would probably have thought I was heading for prison or death. When I was younger I made some seriously foolish choices in life; most people do, but I am not sure most people have gone as far as I have. As a beloved brother in Christ has said so eloquently: "If you were to see a video tape of my life- of all the sinful actions (seemingly small or not), thoughts (every single thought! I have thought things so wicked and so vile and so evil), even the motives of my life; from the moment I was born up until this very moment, if you were to see would know why I speak as I do. You would know why I can't help but tell about my Lord and the grace that has been shown to me. "He became sin, who knew no sin, that we might become His righteousness."
This brings me to my son Kyler. God has spoken to my heart through Kyler's life. Through Kyler, God has assured me of His grace. It was my past (an abortion that happened about a year before I was saved) that made me feel as though I should never be a father. It is as though God, through Kyler speaks to me every day of my life and says, "Your sins are forgiven. All that was once hopeless has been made pure and right. I took out your heart of stone, Jason, and I gave you a heart of flesh. Over eight years ago I chose to give you what was yours from before the foundation of the world. I have covered you, Jason, I have heaped blessing upon blessing over your life; because that is what I do, I am God, and there is no other, My glory I will give to no other." And my heart knows it very well. I find rising up within me a joyous song of praise to the Lord and hope for tomorrow. He will speak to me again He always does. Every day He does because He knows I need it. Sufficient for the day is His grace at hand. I don't need to worry about tomorrow.
I remember the day Tracy and I found out Kyler was coming! I fell down on the ground and cried. I was so overwhelmed by the grace of God. I remember the first time Kyler kicked in the womb, it was the coolest thing in the world. I remember talking to him and singing to him and praying with him. I remember catching him when he was born. I had never been so scared in my life. I remember looking at him as he slept next to his beautiful mommy. I was so thankful to God. (My heart goes out to you now Lord, thank you for those precious memories!). Five years have passed and I am taking this little man on a journey. I have taught him much and I know that there is only so much I can teach him; he will have to learn most of it on his own. But one thing is true: I can never pray for him enough. One day he will be a man. One day he will have his own story to tell. I hope by the grace of God, it will be a story of hearing God's voice, a story of forgiveness of sins, a story of living in the full assurance of faith, a story that makes much of God's grace to an undeserving sinner, a story of passing on to the next generation the most important thing: Hope in God!

Living Coram Deo.
Brother Jason


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Brother Jason said...

I have decided to make it a little harder for comments to be added!

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